Was there ever a war fought over cheese?
There's a story that Gavrilo Princip, who killed archduke Franz Ferdinand and which led to World War I, was eating a sandwich when Ferdinand suddenly passes by in his open limousine.
In 1937, the "Cheese War" occurred between Switzerland and France, where a dispute over cheese tariffs resulted in a blockade of French cheese, causing great tension between the two countries.
It seems to be reasonable to start a war over cheese.
“How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?”
― Charles de Gaulle
The verb to sandwich has the meaning "to position anything between two other things of a different character, or to place different elements alternately,"
The Borderless Cheese
Ingredients
- 1 slice of existential
dread bread
- 2 tablespoons of nostalgia for a childhood you never had
- 1 cup of cheese that refuses to be categorized (is it brie? is it cheddar? it will not say)
- A handful of crackers, each with a different opinion about the moon landing
- 3 sprigs of parsley, but only the leaves that look like Abraham Lincoln
- A dash of salt, from the tears of your enemies
Instructions
- Place the existential dread on a plate and stare at it until it blinks first.
- Whisper your deepest secret to the cheese. If it answers, proceed. If not, try again in 5 minutes.
- Arrange the crackers in a circle, but not a perfect one. Perfection is for other recipes.
- Sprinkle the Lincoln-shaped parsley leaves in a way that suggests you have a plan, but don’t actually have one.
- Cut the borders from the bread, as if removing the boundaries between nations, or simply to make it softer for the cheese to rest upon.
- Invite the invisible mouse to taste. If it declines, you may proceed.
- Season with the bus-missed tears. If you run out, substitute with the sound of distant applause.
- Serve immediately, preferably to someone who has just finished reading a very long novel and is unsure how they feel about it.
This cheese is not afraid of difference. It is proud to be mixed, layered, and shared. It refuses borders, celebrates variety, and tastes best when eaten together, especially at midnight, especially in dreams.
See also: